(SIGH)
I have been so busy lately that I can't even think straight. I haven't seen my non school friends since last year (and I mean like October). I haven't played my guitar in weeks, I just realized I am losing my calluses. This sucks. I am so sick of being at my place of work and place of school, which shall remain nameless in this post. (even though it's in my profile).
I have had to pray every night before coming to work this week that God would give me the grace to get through. I cry every time too, just because it sucks that I have to in the first place. I just want to be in the place where I like what I do all the time, not dread it. So far my God is amazing and each night at work I have had a better attitude and I am able to get through pretty okay and I know it is because of Him!
I have been struggling so much with school and awaiting graduation. I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know I only have 3 months left but I am so stressed and I am so tired I can't see straight. All I do when I have a day or a couple of hours off, is sit and watch tv. I am completely unmotivated. (Sigh). It's gotten so easy to complain about everything to everyone, I even forgot my friends birthday.
So tonight as I drove in to work I prayed to have the grace to get through my shift, and at the end of my prayer I was thinking about this 'waiting'. All of a sudden the song 'While I'm Waiting' came on. Kat sung it at church a while back and I hardly listen to the radio anymore so I kind of forgot about the song. It says, while I'm waitin I will serve You, while I'm waitin I will worship... and it was great to hear that and how that is what I need to be doing. Instead of complaining about everything I see, I just need to praise God and remember that He will be by my side until the end. It gives me such a great connection with God and gives me a better attitude.
Anyways that's what I wanted to share!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
I fell asleep again!
I accidently fell asleep in church today. The sermon was really good, but I could not keep my eyes open. I am glad I wasn't sleeping in a window sill on the second story...
Dad, er I mean Pastor Tom, our Sunday School teacher, is challenging us to be a church as a force for the world. A lot of churches use their building (the Church as a field concept) as a way for reaching out to the community and reaching people for Jesus. We are learning that the church is not where we should be working, instead we need to go out into the world (the world is a field, the Church is a force). I am really getting inspired by this series we are going through. I think it would be so cool for our church to grasp this concept and really be a force for God. I want to see us get involved with missions. I want us to change how we go about our service and just let go and let God take control. I want us to be set on fire for Jesus.
I have to admit I am one frustrated Christian when it comes to our church. I feel like my church's whole philosphy is this idea of the "Church as a field". Last week my pastor preached on being hearers of the word and also doers of the word! It was a great passage in the Bible in the book of James, but it didn't seem as though the passage was the focus of the sermon. He instead decided to share with us his vision for the new year for our church: to have at least 75 in attendance every Sunday morning. Pastor Gary insisted that if we were hearers and doers of the word we would see that we need to invite our friends and people we know to our church to increase our numbers.
WHAT!?!??! Since when did Cornerstone Christian Church become a church focused on numbers and being large? I understand that it is our mission to grow, but it is our mission to grow through the people we reach for Christ, not filling our seats with random people we invited for a week just to fill the seats. When we first started attending our church I remember the pastors always saying: I would rather have 20 spirit filled, Jesus loving Christians, than 1,000 people coming to church because it's the 'good' thing to do. (Not in so many words but that's why it's not in quotes).
It goes back to the Church as a field concept. Our church is lazy! Yeah that's right I said it! We are lazy people. We just want people to stroll into our building by pure happenstance and join our body and get involved. I understand that God is in control, but God put us here, God blessed us with this building so that we would work to reach our community for Jesus!
I am not writing this because I want to bad mouth my pastor. I really don't. It's not all his fault. My pastor is a great man of God. I just think he relays his sermons in a very unorganized fashion that leaves us confused and sends us the wrong message. I am frustrated, but not just at my Pastor or at my church. I am also frustrated with myself. I have had this idea my entire life. I am a lazy Christian. I think, "if only I could get (insert whatever name here) to church they would get saved." However, I don't do anything more than ask people to come to church. I can't remember the last time I shared Christ with someone or even had a conversation about church and God. I am also pretty sure that people around me in my everyday don't always see Christ through everything I say and do.
I had the opportunity to visit another church last week for the evening service. Me and Kat went to Joshua House at the Vineyard in Westerville. It was an amazing service. The worship was great, the sermon was awesome, we took communion which I haven't been able to do since Easter last year. I just had a great time in fellowship with God. The pastor talked about Initiation inspired by the new year and resolutions. This is what really hit me:
After talking about what you need to initiate something, he said:
The worst thing you can do is to initiate SIN. It's important to keep that in mind. That Sin is important and sinning is terrible, it's what put Jesus on the cross.
The second worst thing that you can do is to initiate NOTHING! Wow. It was like a brick came out of no where and slammed me right in the face. Here I was sitting thinking about how frustrated I was with my church and everything they do wrong. Sure I am not contributing to the wrong things happening in our church, but I am also not contributing anything good either. I remembered the discussion I had with my dad two hours before this: I can be as frustrated as I want, I can even leave and find another church somewhere else, but if I don't change my attitude I am going to find the same thing: unsatisfying frustration. We had just talked about in Sunday School that morning about how the young adults in our church could be the changing force in our church. If we would just INITIATE. But instead we just sat there in silence that morning.
I would like to put all the blame on my church and say that it's their fault I am not growing, it's their fault I get frustrated everytime I go to church, it's their fault our church acts as a field and not a force. But the reality is....it's my fault. I am to blame because I am not contributing at all. I haven't initiated anything.
I started this blog to find out how to not waste my life. I think I am 'wasting' my time.
(Heavenly Father, I have no clue what my purpose in our church is. A week ago I was ready to throw in the towel and move on to another church. But now I am not so sure that is what You have in Your plans for me. I don't want to stay in neutral. I don't want to sin, but Lord Jesus I also don't want to do Nothing! Help me to find my purpose. Help me to be a driving force in what changes our church to become what You want it to become. Lord, change my heart. I want to worship You, I want to be closer to You, and most importantly I want to share You with others. In Jesus' name, Amen!)
I am sorry this one was so long winded. I have been stewing on this for a few weeks now and I needed to share with someone what is going on in my head. Pray for me as I figure out how to initiate something in my church! and pray for my church too!
Thanks for reading!
Dad, er I mean Pastor Tom, our Sunday School teacher, is challenging us to be a church as a force for the world. A lot of churches use their building (the Church as a field concept) as a way for reaching out to the community and reaching people for Jesus. We are learning that the church is not where we should be working, instead we need to go out into the world (the world is a field, the Church is a force). I am really getting inspired by this series we are going through. I think it would be so cool for our church to grasp this concept and really be a force for God. I want to see us get involved with missions. I want us to change how we go about our service and just let go and let God take control. I want us to be set on fire for Jesus.
I have to admit I am one frustrated Christian when it comes to our church. I feel like my church's whole philosphy is this idea of the "Church as a field". Last week my pastor preached on being hearers of the word and also doers of the word! It was a great passage in the Bible in the book of James, but it didn't seem as though the passage was the focus of the sermon. He instead decided to share with us his vision for the new year for our church: to have at least 75 in attendance every Sunday morning. Pastor Gary insisted that if we were hearers and doers of the word we would see that we need to invite our friends and people we know to our church to increase our numbers.
WHAT!?!??! Since when did Cornerstone Christian Church become a church focused on numbers and being large? I understand that it is our mission to grow, but it is our mission to grow through the people we reach for Christ, not filling our seats with random people we invited for a week just to fill the seats. When we first started attending our church I remember the pastors always saying: I would rather have 20 spirit filled, Jesus loving Christians, than 1,000 people coming to church because it's the 'good' thing to do. (Not in so many words but that's why it's not in quotes).
It goes back to the Church as a field concept. Our church is lazy! Yeah that's right I said it! We are lazy people. We just want people to stroll into our building by pure happenstance and join our body and get involved. I understand that God is in control, but God put us here, God blessed us with this building so that we would work to reach our community for Jesus!
I am not writing this because I want to bad mouth my pastor. I really don't. It's not all his fault. My pastor is a great man of God. I just think he relays his sermons in a very unorganized fashion that leaves us confused and sends us the wrong message. I am frustrated, but not just at my Pastor or at my church. I am also frustrated with myself. I have had this idea my entire life. I am a lazy Christian. I think, "if only I could get (insert whatever name here) to church they would get saved." However, I don't do anything more than ask people to come to church. I can't remember the last time I shared Christ with someone or even had a conversation about church and God. I am also pretty sure that people around me in my everyday don't always see Christ through everything I say and do.
I had the opportunity to visit another church last week for the evening service. Me and Kat went to Joshua House at the Vineyard in Westerville. It was an amazing service. The worship was great, the sermon was awesome, we took communion which I haven't been able to do since Easter last year. I just had a great time in fellowship with God. The pastor talked about Initiation inspired by the new year and resolutions. This is what really hit me:
After talking about what you need to initiate something, he said:
The worst thing you can do is to initiate SIN. It's important to keep that in mind. That Sin is important and sinning is terrible, it's what put Jesus on the cross.
The second worst thing that you can do is to initiate NOTHING! Wow. It was like a brick came out of no where and slammed me right in the face. Here I was sitting thinking about how frustrated I was with my church and everything they do wrong. Sure I am not contributing to the wrong things happening in our church, but I am also not contributing anything good either. I remembered the discussion I had with my dad two hours before this: I can be as frustrated as I want, I can even leave and find another church somewhere else, but if I don't change my attitude I am going to find the same thing: unsatisfying frustration. We had just talked about in Sunday School that morning about how the young adults in our church could be the changing force in our church. If we would just INITIATE. But instead we just sat there in silence that morning.
I would like to put all the blame on my church and say that it's their fault I am not growing, it's their fault I get frustrated everytime I go to church, it's their fault our church acts as a field and not a force. But the reality is....it's my fault. I am to blame because I am not contributing at all. I haven't initiated anything.
I started this blog to find out how to not waste my life. I think I am 'wasting' my time.
(Heavenly Father, I have no clue what my purpose in our church is. A week ago I was ready to throw in the towel and move on to another church. But now I am not so sure that is what You have in Your plans for me. I don't want to stay in neutral. I don't want to sin, but Lord Jesus I also don't want to do Nothing! Help me to find my purpose. Help me to be a driving force in what changes our church to become what You want it to become. Lord, change my heart. I want to worship You, I want to be closer to You, and most importantly I want to share You with others. In Jesus' name, Amen!)
I am sorry this one was so long winded. I have been stewing on this for a few weeks now and I needed to share with someone what is going on in my head. Pray for me as I figure out how to initiate something in my church! and pray for my church too!
Thanks for reading!
Friday, January 8, 2010
Random...
I wish that people wouldn't move their head when I am taking their temperature.
It's not my fault that I just jabbed you in the teeth...you moved, not me.
It's not my fault that I just jabbed you in the teeth...you moved, not me.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Oh Baby!
I started my first week in the Mother/Infant Unit at school! It was spectacular. I started my shift in the nursery, which was really fun. We had nine babies, seven girls and two boys. Of course they didn't stay in there too long, once the mommies woke up.
Then we got a call that twins had just been delivered by c/section. WHAT? I get to triage TWINS! They were the cutest little boys in the world, minus Judah of course! They had curly hair and were so beautiful and they definitely looked like dad. He was in there with us while they were closing up mom. He took about a million pictures while we were assessing and getting vital signs. My preceptor took on Baby A while I was focused on Baby B (baby b was cuter! which I think is only because he was mine! they are identical!). My baby had a hard time staying warm for me so while Baby A was getting a bath and ready to go see mom and dad, Baby B stayed with me under the warmer. Finally, we were able to get him warm enough so I gave him a bath.
About the time I was finished with Baby B, our other c/section baby came over to the nursery. He was enormous! (Not really but he was 8 lbs and the twins were 6 so he looked huge) So I got take on a bigger role triaging new baby. I gave him a bath and he was very agitated and cranky (literally the kid cried for the first two hours of his life). We checked his blood sugar because his respirs. were elevated and his heart rate was fast. His sugar was low so we had to feed him immediately, but he threw up everything we gave him, not good! We noticed his belly was large and so we suctioned his stomach (which was a gruesome and sad procedure-sticking a tube down his throat into his stomach and suctioning mucous, air, and formula out-yuck and ouch) He was instantly calmed down. Whew! That was scary.
I did a lot of other fun things like changing diapers and fun stuff like that (it's funny when the neonatologist is doing his assessment and he's like we have a diaper change over here and then walks away!) But babies are easier to change then the elderly so I couldn't complain!
I really love the Mother/Infant unit, but I am jealous that I can't be in the labor and delivery. Oh the adventures I will have. It's going to be a good term and I am really getting myself organized, although I have a feeling I am going to be very tired from 48 hours of clinical and work combined!
Pray for me as I work out my scheduling and that the MIU will stay busy so I can experience a lot.
Sorry this was a boring post I am just really excited!
Then we got a call that twins had just been delivered by c/section. WHAT? I get to triage TWINS! They were the cutest little boys in the world, minus Judah of course! They had curly hair and were so beautiful and they definitely looked like dad. He was in there with us while they were closing up mom. He took about a million pictures while we were assessing and getting vital signs. My preceptor took on Baby A while I was focused on Baby B (baby b was cuter! which I think is only because he was mine! they are identical!). My baby had a hard time staying warm for me so while Baby A was getting a bath and ready to go see mom and dad, Baby B stayed with me under the warmer. Finally, we were able to get him warm enough so I gave him a bath.
About the time I was finished with Baby B, our other c/section baby came over to the nursery. He was enormous! (Not really but he was 8 lbs and the twins were 6 so he looked huge) So I got take on a bigger role triaging new baby. I gave him a bath and he was very agitated and cranky (literally the kid cried for the first two hours of his life). We checked his blood sugar because his respirs. were elevated and his heart rate was fast. His sugar was low so we had to feed him immediately, but he threw up everything we gave him, not good! We noticed his belly was large and so we suctioned his stomach (which was a gruesome and sad procedure-sticking a tube down his throat into his stomach and suctioning mucous, air, and formula out-yuck and ouch) He was instantly calmed down. Whew! That was scary.
I did a lot of other fun things like changing diapers and fun stuff like that (it's funny when the neonatologist is doing his assessment and he's like we have a diaper change over here and then walks away!) But babies are easier to change then the elderly so I couldn't complain!
I really love the Mother/Infant unit, but I am jealous that I can't be in the labor and delivery. Oh the adventures I will have. It's going to be a good term and I am really getting myself organized, although I have a feeling I am going to be very tired from 48 hours of clinical and work combined!
Pray for me as I work out my scheduling and that the MIU will stay busy so I can experience a lot.
Sorry this was a boring post I am just really excited!
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