I wish I had a thousand tongues, because if I did, I would praise God with every one of them!

Cornerstone Christian Church is finally letting go and letting GOD take control. It has been so inspiring to see how God has moved through our congregation in the past weeks.

Dad started this class called, Share Jesus Without Fear. It was wonderful. Almost everyone who goes to our church was coming and getting really involved and inspired, myself included.

Last week was the most Holy Spirit filled worship service I have ever been to! It started in Sunday School. We had a couple of new young adults named Amy and Jonas. We looked in the last few verses in Isaiah chapter 53, where it talks about Jesus as the intercessor for transgressors. I can't really explain how it happened, but the Holy Spirit ignited a fire within me and I became so overwhelmed by the Love of Jesus Christ and how not only did He show this great Love thousands of years ago on the cross, but daily He continues to show His Love for us by being our advocate before God.

See we are sinful, disgusting creatures. So disgusting, in fact that God cannot even look upon us. People like to take what Jesus did on the cross and only see the pretty, aw Jesus loves us and He died for us part and only focus on that. But what they fail to realize (what I forget a lot of the time) is the magnitude of what Jesus really did. In the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus was kneeling before His Father while drops of sweat and blood poured from his forehead. He begged God to take this cup from Him. Jesus wasn't afraid of being beaten, flogged, whipped, ridiculed and then nailed to a cross. The cup He is referring to is the cup of God's wrath. God's wrath for countless sinners and sins whom He hates. I never looked at sin this way, that God actually HATES it. In the book of Psalms it's actually said 50+ times how much God hates sin. I mean I knew He not too pleased by sin, but He is so perfect and Holy that He cannot even look upon it. I mean I have always known this but it never really affected me because I knew I had Jesus.

Which was why I got so excited and stirred up in Sunday School, because Jesus is my advocate to the Father, even though I am disgusting and filled with sin, because of the wrath Jesus endured on the cross, because Jesus died and yet still conquered the death and the grave, I can have a close and intimate relationship with my Holy, Perfect, Heavenly Father!!!! I was so excited leaving class Sunday.

I had to sing two songs that morning in the worship and it seemed so perfect to sing the first "O Praise Him" by David Crowder Band. I just let the Holy Spirit take control, by the end of the song I had no clue what I was singing, but I certainly felt the power of God in that sanctuary!! The whole worship service continued on that way.

Then dad got up to preach. He preached on the church that Christ is building. How the church is imperfect and Jesus wanted it that way. He gave examples of the imperfect people who started the church of Christ. Like Paul who was the worst of all sinners, who blasphemed the church and voted for Christians to be murdered. And Peter, who continuely asked stupid questions and always stuck his foot in his mouth. Dad ended his sermon with a challenge (which will not be as good as he said it but it's the general jist--I was furiously taking notes).

To be THE church of Christ, to submit to His will and obey His commands.

It was amazing. I have been waiting for a challenge like that. Cornerstone is finally getting it and I think God is going to use us!

I am so excited to be a servant of the Lord and I have been praying daily for Him to use me however he wants. In the past few months, God has been working on my heart and pulling me closer to Him. As much as I have been trying to completely serve Him and not focus on myself, it has not been going quite that way. God has really opened my eyes to what He has been trying to say to me for a long time. I am so excited to share this with you all:

I have been trying to read as much of the Bible I possibly can in the past 2 months or so. I have been trying to be in fellowship with the Lord constantly throughout each day. After all, our relationship with Christ is supposed to start fresh and new each day. Praise God we can pick up our crosses DAILY and follow Him. One passage I came upon is in the book of Ephesians chapter 5:14: "for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." God has truly called me to WAKE UP and RISE FROM THE DEAD. You see I have been living a skin deep christianity. I only let God come into my life so far and then I get scared of the intimacy and close up. I haven't been truly following Him with my whole life. I have only given Him parts of me and the rest I have selfishly kept for myself. But God has awakened my soul!!! Praise the Lord! I am so excited. Instead of focusing on what I want out of life, I have now finally begun to focus on what God wants out of me. I am focused on how God can use me as His true and faithful servant. I am so excited! I saw on my friend Tiffany Johnson's facebook a status that has rang truer for me in the past few months than ever before in my life. I am paraphrasing and I added some of my own: The closer and more intimate my relationship gets with my Heavenly Father, I am shown how much of a sinner I am, but it's when you get to that point when you realize you can't live without Him and so I press on toward to goal of truly being Christ like in every possible way! I have become so intimate with God that I now can no longer live without this level of intimacy. Even though I am shown how much of a sinner I am -- it's even the little things like mean thoughts about someone or speeding--but I have to press on, I cannot look back now. (And by no means am I high on the intimacy level rankings I am still far away, but I am closer than ever before!) I want to live like Christ. I want to follow His commands. Dying to self and daily picking up my cross and following Christ. Just as Paul said it, For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain! I have officially died to myself today. I do it everyday. I still struggle with sin and desires of the flesh, but I have to continually pick up my cross and follow Him. I only want what the Lord wants in me. I only want to be a servant of the Lord. Before I was consumed with what I could get out of this world and only giving God enough of me so He wouldn't get in my way. But now I have let God have complete control over my heart and with that I have been given a new heart and new desires. I am so excited to truly live for my Lord.

Please pray for me as I keep this up. It is only because of the Power of Christ Jesus who dwells within me that I can really say and do any of this! So that is the update on what has been going on in my life spiritually. I hope it makes sense. I have been keeping this inside of me for too long, only because I wasn't totally sure how to say it all.

Longest Pause Ever!

I can't believe it has been over a month since my last post. So much has been happening in every area of my life I don't even know where to begin!

I guess I'll start with work, cause that's the quickest. I have been working on the Mother/Infant Unit for over a month now. I have been taking on the full load with minimal help from my preceptor. Our unit has been extremely busy. Apparently 8-10 months ago a lot of people conceived babies because I have four patients every single day. (and when I say four, I really mean eight because we have babies too). It has been really fun. I really absolutely one hundred percent LOVE my job. Praise God for providing me with a great job that I can actually be excited about waking up at 530 am and going to.

I have been learning so much and becoming more comfortable with my assessment skills, teaching patients, and taking telephone orders from doctor's and talking to doctor's. Our residents are really cool and they aren't mean at all (yay!).

However, I am still SUPER uncomfortable teaching my mother's how to breastfeed. It's a very hard skill (not just the act of breastfeeding but teaching really dumb people to do it). Okay okay it's quite harsh for me to call them dumb, but I don't know any other adjective for someone who can't comprehend what I am saying to them. I mean it's not hard to follow directions. I think I just need experience teaching and I need to follow a lactation nurse so I can really learn more.

Tomorrow I will be taking my Newborn Assessment class. I am really excited about it. Not that I don't already know how to assess my newborns but I think I will learn a lot of how to use my assessments to make decisions about newborn care. I just really love my job and I love that I don't only take care of mother's and babies, but I also get to care for our Antepartum patients (still pregnant). West is the only Mount Carmel hospital where their Mother Infant Unit also takes high risk Antepartums. I will be taking my external fetal monitoring class soon which will help me assess how my babies inside mommies are doing.

Our Maternity Center also just became a Level III. Which basically means our Special Care Nursery has become a Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit, our Labor and Delivery won't transfer our high risk patients to OSU and Mother/Infant will be taking care of more high risk patients too.

I have many more stories but I need to get some shut eye. Tomorrow I will hopefully update you on other areas of my life. I love everyone and miss you all!

So we need a book...

So last night I ventured down to Washington Court House for a Bible study my friend Tiffani was holding.

Stop! I must tell a brief story:

I left my house at 4pm so I could make it to her house by 430. But I desperately needed gas so I stopped at the Turkey Hill (always cheaper than everyone else, yay). I got out in the bitter 9 degree cold weather (probably nothing to complain about with the Sullivans reading). I opened the little gas door and tried with all my might to open the stupid fuel cap. (side note I have been driving this car for over two years now and I am very familiar with how to unscrew the fuel cap). I couldn't unscrew it. Alas I was too weak to get it to turn the right way and I ended up being very frustrated--you see this winter different parts of my car have frozen at different times---my trunk froze shut, my doors each have frozen shut and my driver door has also frozen open (literally it would not close). Needless to say I am sick of frozenness. So after a long 20 minutes of trying to unscrew the cap a kind gentleman walks over and helps. Once he is able to get it unscrewed he then proceeds to school me on how I have to unscrew until it clicks. Ding ding ding ding ding!!!! Hello I know that I couldn't get it that far moron. But thanks for the help goodbye.

The End...hardly brief...

So onward I went on my trek knowing I would not arrive until a late 5pm. No worries I was still the first to arrive. Anyway, one of the guys named Lee brought this like essay thing he had written after a long study and devotional in the word of God last week (alone) and it was cool. So since they don't have a book they study through he thought that maybe we could all go through it. So we did. It was on Spiritual Purity and he had a lot of good things to say.

I was impressed because Lee has only been a christian for a solid year but he has so consumed himself in the Lord that he is very inspiring. (However, he does need some help on certain subjects). We got into some pretty heavy debates about once saved, always saved and also the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Lee believes that none of us have been baptized by the Holy Spirit yet and I had to

SHUT

HIM

DOWN...

Just kidding but we debated for a good 45 minutes on it and I was trying to persuade him otherwise since....welll.......he's W R O N G ! It was funny because toward the end he was like "I know I don't know a lot about this subject so I am not trying to persuade you otherwise." And I was like, "Well good because you won't. But believe me, I AM trying to persuade you otherwise." I can't get into to details of why he thinks we haven't been baptized yet because I left my notes in my car and I am sitting barefoot in my PJs. But basically it is because there is a verse in Hebrews that speaks about people who have been saved and willfully sin have given up Christ's sacrifice and they cannot have it again. And he says that he hopes he hasn't been baptized in the Holy Spirit because he has willfully sinned since being saved and he is like then I don't get to go to heaven. Whoa! This kid seriously needs discipled! (by my father because he is the smartest) just kidding about dad being smartest, he's not but Lee really likes dad and it would be a good idea. It just sucks cause Lee lives in Chillocothe.

It was really cool to be in that atmosphere though. I love being around peers who love the Lord as much as me. There was a total of 7 of us and I am going again on Saturday. I really think we need to use a book though just so we can stay centered and someone smarter than ourselves aka the book author can keep us grounded.

I love Lee a lot but he just doesn't know quite enough and he has strange convictions to be in charge of a Bible Study. I just don't know quite what to do because, Lee for one doesn't like using books because he thinks that the Holy Spirit can give us what we need to know and we shouldn't rely on other men to help. ( which again is semi right but really just wrong--it's not reliance on men's thoughts---we use people who are smarter than us to help guide us and teach us how to use and study the Bible properly so we can properly listen to what the Holy Spirit has to teach us)--besides um Paul to Timothy--that's all I have to say.

And also I am at a crossroads. I am still trying to find where a woman's place is in the church. Can I lead the Bible study with men there who are older than me? I don't know if this is okay since I am a woman. I see my mom helps lead the young adults sunday school but she helps my dad---a man. And Aunt Ana helps lead the Young Adults at her church but she helps Uncle Jim---a man. Where do single women fit? Can I be the leader of this group even though there are men or can I only lead a women's study (just background on the group, Lee--baby christian, is the only guy who comes all the time other than Tiffani's husband who doesn't get home from work until 9pm so it's either baby christian or me). This is how I grew up and I just don't know what I should do--let me know what you think. (I guess now that I really think about it in the Young Adults thing we did that Tommy led at our house we each took turns and women would teach a lesson so is that the same thing?)

So we need a book and if anyone has suggestions other than Crazy Love (because so many of us have already done it) than please leave a comment.

Sorry I dragged this on for so long. I am super excited to have a group to go to for Young Adults during the week. Pray for us as we try to get more organized and learn more. Also some other prayer requests:

Pray for Lee because like I said he has some strange convictions and he really needs some discipleship

Pray for another guy in our group Chance--he has been a Christian for a few months now and I got to know him better last night. He really has a thirst for knowledge, he just doesn't know how to obtain it. I encouraged him to dig into the word and pray as much as possible because God can reveal things to him and I encouraged him to get involved at a church. He hasn't been going to one because life has gotten in the way. (Chance has been dealt a crappy hand of cards in life so also pray for him to remain strong in his faith even though he is surrounded by nonbelievers in everyday life).

Pray for my friend Katie too (another person in the group) she is dealing with some heavy life stuff and just needs the grace of God.

Thanks everyone! God Bless!

need new title for blog

I need to figure out a new title for my blog. I clearly can't call it confessions of an unemployed nurse anymore and I'm sick of Hmmm being up there. I just don't know what to call it. I am a very boring person. I don't really have a lot going on. Today I slept in and then looked up chords to a song I don't like but have to play at church tomorrow...btw the chords are hard and I hate the song even more now than when I started. That has been my whole day. I am so cool.

So for now until I can find a new title my blog will be called untitled.

I start February 14

I finally have a job!

Today I officially received an offer from Mount Carmel West Hospital. They offered me a full time position on the Mother/Infant Unit. I start February 14. Tomorrow I go in to get a physical and take a drug test (one test I know I can pass). And also fill out a bunch of paperwork for HR. I am so super excited. Thanks to everyone for your prayers. God definitely has worked out the details for me!

Love everyone!

"I would have lost heart, unless I believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living..."

Two months ago, I had no hope for any type of job opportunity after my time at Columbus Public Health would come to a close. I was afraid that I would be out on my butt again unemployed for another few months. I would have never guessed that I would be here on January 22, 2011, trying to decide between two separate job opportunities!



I was so sure that the Lord had finally heard my cries and relented, giving me a wonderful part time position at Mount Carmel West in the Mother/Infant Unit. This past week I have been eagerly awaiting a call from their Human Resources department with an offer. Eagerness turned to frustration as I had still not recieved any word from them on the job and it was FRIDAY! Will I really have to wait until Monday to finally have a job????? Finally those 3 beautiful numbers showed up on my caller ID 234 (234 is what all #s at Mount Carmel start with). When I answered, it was Tiffany the unit director. While I was happy to hear from her, I have to be offered the job by HR not her. So long story short, the woman from HR that is in charge of my employment was not in Friday because of the crazy snow storm we had. Tiffany says she hopes to get the ball rolling this Monday.



Then only an hour later I recieve an email from a Jani Hendrix from OSU. In her email she is asking if I am interested in the NICU track of the OSU internship. She wanted to set up an interview with me on Wednesday Jan 26 at 9am.



THE NICU????????



As in Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit??? Uh yes that's right. This is, no offense to Mother/Infant, a huge step up! With NICU experience I can go to any Labor and Delivery Unit I want. And NICU experience at the only Magnet hospital in central Ohio (Magnet is the highest nursing honor a hospital can recieve in the US and OSU is one of like 30 all over the country). Not to mention, I could honestly stay in NICU for the rest of my life, whereas Mother/Infant was solely a stepping stone. I had the opportunity to be in the NICU at Children's hospital. I was in the small baby unit (babies born before 27 weeks gestation). And it was such a fascinating, moving, and beautiful experience I had the opportunity to have as a nursing student. Without a doubt this would be a wonderful job. And it's a full time job!

However, Mother/Infant would be a great job too. When weighing the pros and cons of each, it's clear to see that the NICU would be much better---the only negative is that I only have an interview whereas the Mother/Infant is pretty much a sure thing.

While 24 hours ago I was complaining about how MCW still had yet to call me, I can see now why it's important for me to be on my knees praising my Lord. Had Mount Carmel called before I set up the interview with OSU, I probably would not have gone for it. God is so good! When two months ago I had nothing and now I have surely seen the goodness of the Lord: I have TWO opportunities at my feet! Please be praying for me as I start this, as Dad calls it, journey. It is overwhelming to think that I have a huge decision in front of me. I am not sure where the Lord is leading me (although I do hope it's to OSU) but I am confident He will show me the way.

Is it weird to ask you all to pray specifically? Well if you want some specifics, pray that I will have wisdom to choose the right place, that MCW will call after I hear more from OSU, and that I will have the strength to seek the Lord first, instead of do my usual complain and freak out for nothing bit.

Love you all!

"I would have lost heart, unless I believed that I would see

the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Psalm 27:13

---(thanks Tiffany--my cousin, just in case that wasn't clear)

Let me listen to You! muwahhahahahahahahhaahahah!

So today, Mom got a package and inside was my graduation present from 8 or so months ago!

It was


A NEW, HUNTER GREEN LITTMAN CLASSIC S.E. II STETHOSCOPE:








Mom got this engraved on it-Kari Lopez, RN, BSN:





Let me listen to you (said in creepy voice followed by maniacal laugh):





Just in time for my new job! That's right everybody, it's getting closer. I haven't told everyone everything yet! So after my two interviews with Mount Carmel West Mother/Infant Unit, Tiffany (the Unit Director) called and said that she offered the job to someone with a little more experience than me. Boo! BUT, she was still very interested in me and she wanted to hire me as well, however they were still waiting on getting another position approved. She said that if I am still interested in them, she is definitely interested in me!!! Yay!

So I just got a call from her again today and she said that they job was approved and ready for me. However, I guess for HR purposes I need to apply for this particular one. So I was like-great here we go again-. Then she said that after I apply I won't hear from her until after HR contacts me with the official offer! So this time next week I will be in employee health, peeing into a cup to make sure I didn't become a drug addict in the past 8 months (one more month and....just kidding).

First off, all my praise to my gracious and amazing and perfect Heavenly Father! I know that this is seriously His timing and it couldn't have been better! I am so excited and so thankful that I serve an Awesome God!

Second, thanks to my really wonderful family, your prayers have been heard and answered and I am thankful for you and them. Also thanks for your words of encouragement, I would not have been able to stay SANE without it! Love you all!

Poor God, what a visual!

I finally broke down! I have been slowly building up frustration about how I still do not have a full time job.... and last night I blew. Like literally it was the messiest blow, so messy I'm not even sure how to spell 'messiest' or if it's even a word...but it needs to be used.

I cried...hard! I really hate the health department! Not only am I doing NOTHING at all with this job (I don't think giving a few shots a day qualifies as Nursing) It's just a bunch of politics. If I wanted to be in politics I would be working on being in the Senate, where at least I could make closer to six figures while doing Nothing!

I just can't see Community nursing as the best place for me. It is not what I am passionate about (actually I am passionately against it...well only for me others can certainly do it). It's getting to the point where my entire day (five whole hours worth! she types sarcastically) is a LIE!!!! I pretend I like it and that everyday is a great and wonderful experience, when in reality I am screaming on the inside...I HATE THIS!!!!!

I was talking to a school nurse at one of our sites and she was asking me about what I really wanted to do with my career and I told her about Mother/Infant and Labor and Delivery and she was like, "blech, I hated both of those units when I was in nursing school" and all I wanted to say was, "Good that makes it even, You hated what I loved and I hated what you loved! Now we won't get in each other's way! (smiley face smiley face)" but what I actually said was, "well I just love nursing so anywhere is great for me I love it I love it all"

LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe I have become a lying maniac! I just want this Mother/Infant job and they still haven't called.

In Sunday School dad was teaching us about something...I was listening I promise but we touch on so much it's hard to remember it all. What I did remember was disappointment. He was like "Does God ever disappoint us?" Well of course not! But we feel like it! and Dad went on to talk about when we feel disappointed we should just remember that God wants the VERY best for us and He isn't disappointing us, He is redirecting us. Because why would He give mediocrity when we can have AWESOMENESS (I'm pretty sure that is in the Bible somewhere and if not...it should be... I'm talking to you 'The Message' writers).

So when I look back at this actually small unemployment timeframe, I realized He really is redirecting me...

For starters: 6Tower. When I prayed for my interview, I'm pretty sure that Jesus looked down at me and said "6Tower Kari? Really? You think I don't have anything better than that up my sleeve? Please!(zig zag finger snap)" Then came the opportunity for the ER and God was like..."You need some practice interviewing with a panel...even though this is totally NOT the job I have for you-waste 'o' time in the ER when you want L&D". Then just when I couldn't stop wearing my pajamas 24/7, I did AMAZING at my temp interview, cause I think God was like, "Ok so you need an income for bills and such so here you go...easy nursing job...silver platter..." And then Midland, TX called and God was like, "Kari it's a small town...you're a city girl...and you don't own a gun so...you know, you CAN'T be a Texan"

That brings us back to the present: Mother/Infant awesomeness! I just don't get why I haven't gotten the "we want you, you're hired" call. And that's why I broke down, because I am ANXIOUS and CRAZY and IMPATIENT!

Today at my painful job I went to the bathroom and grabbed my usual stall, the one with the broken lock that I always forget is broken so I have to hold the door closed, (this is the only 3ft x 2ft room I don't have to pretend in, I can be myself completely), and I prayed! Poor God, what a visual!

Anyway, prayer is the only secret I have left. I still hate my job but at least now God has given me the grace to do it. and hopefully he will redirect me to the Mother/Infant Unit!!!!

2010 was Wonderful....can't wait for what 2011 holds!

Last night to celebrate the end of one year and the beginning of another, I went to my friend Tiffani's house (funny side note story...Kevin asked us what we were doing and I said 'We're going to Tiffani's' and he got really confused and I was like, 'yeah we are driving up to Michigan to see Tiffany!' too bad that couldn't have been true...miss you Sullivans!)

Any way, I brought Tom and Anna with me and we played Quelf and also the three round game that you pick papers with random things written on them and have to describe, act out, and say one word describing them, it has no name except the unfortunate 'threesome' so I decided to call it, wait for it....Random Draw! Let me know what you think of the new name! It's interesting to play those games with different mixes of people. We had baked spaghetti for dinner and this delicious and inappropriately named cake for dessert. Then after the ball dropped and we said our happy new year's, we watched Knight and Day with Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. It was pretty terrible but I am glad I got to spend my evening, night, and early morning with friends. We left at like 215am and because the cops were out all over the place, I couldn't speed (slash) 'break the law' so we didn't make it home until 3am.

Good times.

Reflecting back on 2010, I am really thankful for how great my life is and wonderful my friends and family are. So I created a:

Top Ten Favorites from 20Ten:

10. Discovering the Sitcom, How I Met Your Mother

9. Getting a nursing job at the health department when I needed it most, Thanks God even though I easily forget, You always provide what I need.

8. Being on the Mother/Infant Unit for my leadership quarter during school, it was a great experience and could possibly get me a job there!*

7. Bringing home Skittles, my Chihuahua pup (that was on last years list of things I wanted for 2010 :) )

6. Seeing my little bro experience a Finals performance and then Award's ceremony at his first BOA.

5. Learning about myself that I can stay positive and focused on the Lord, even though not having a secure employment is scary, frustrating, mind-boggling, and depressing---it helps that God placed me in the most amazing and supportive family there is -from my loving and wonderful Parents who let me live in their house and supported me even though they had plans for my room, to siblings who always have the best words of encouragement and advice to give, to my nephew who is cute and hilarious, to aunts and uncles who I know have been praying for me everday and one who tried to hook me up with a job, to cousins who read my blog and leave me wonderful comments, make me laugh, and even email friends and family to get me hooked up with employment, to Grandma-my beautiful and wonderful prayer warrior, I love your FACE! I have the BEST family EVER!!

4. Buying and reading Matt Redman's book The Unquenchable Worshipper

3. LeiLyLoBoFelVanApp's Reunion Pigeon Forge Twenty Ten.

2. Graduating from Mount Carmel College of Nursing with a Bachelor's in Science and Nursing!

and the Number 1 Favorite about 20Ten:

1. Passing the NCLEX-RN so that now my full title is: Kari J Lopez, RN, BSN

Woohoo what a great year! I only have one Wish for 2011 (because I suck at Resolutions):

That 2011 will beat the crap out of 2010 with Awesomeness!

*From number 8, because I don't think everyone knows, I have had two interviews with the Mother Infant Unit at Mount Carmel West and I expect to hear about whether or not I have the job on Monday!